Spiritual Leader With A Twist Gifts

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Home depot."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Priest

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

Guru.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm going on a retreat."

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

OM, SWEET OM

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

"I've learned one thing: when an avalanche begins, get into the cave."

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"