Spiritual Leader With A Twist Pillows

"You state here that God is the head of your organization. Any chance you could get Him to co-sign this application?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Home depot."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

Priest

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Guru.

"I'm going on a retreat."

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

Down With Wikipedia

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"I've learned one thing: when an avalanche begins, get into the cave."

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'