Spine Survivor Gifts

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

"The first one's just a warning."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Gary turns 40.

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

Sporting maladies.

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"I see you do all your own stunts."

'You've got a broken finger.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

Gymnast tangled up.

Tax grab.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'It's an old baseball injury.'

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

'Gee!'

'I'll soon have you in stitches but it's no laughing matter.'