Spine Survivor T-Shirts

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

"The first one's just a warning."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Gary turns 40.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"I see you do all your own stunts."

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

Sporting maladies.

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'You've got a broken finger.'

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

Gymnast tangled up.

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

Tax grab.

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Well, yeah, Doc, I twisted my back a little...but it was the longest golf shot I've ever made!"

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

I know it's not on the yoga dvd but a spider crawled up my sleeve

'I'll soon have you in stitches but it's no laughing matter.'

'Gee!'

'It's an old baseball injury.'