Spinach Lover Gifts

"Lay off the spinach."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'The Burrito King.'

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Love is when you watch television together.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Cupcake Excitement Scale

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

Stupid Microwave

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.