Spin Master Gifts

"Half empty because of congressional inaction, and half full because of the tireless efforts of the President."

"My leaving Wilkins & Jennings was perfectly amicable. They felt that I should be fired, and I agreed."

"You're suffering from defective media image. What you need is a spin doctor."

'But on the positive side, money can't buy happiness - so who cares?'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"Rather than monopoly, we like to consider ourselves the only game in town."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"Ever read about a politician who didn't need the press?"

Politician has inout box labeled 'spinspun'.

If you think it will help, yeah, lets hear your spin.

'It's tough being a media exec. There's always the threat of good news breaking out.'

'Draft a press release. ... Say Mr. Buck was not 'yanked'. He, in fact, removed himself from the mound in order to spend more time with his family...'

"Recommended by 4 out of 5 congressmen, Senator."

"He asked me the time, what do I tell him?"

"I'm John Lyezalot and I approve this distortion of reality."

"In that speech, forget that line: are you better off than four years ago?"

"Wow! That's a mean curveball."

'This is Miss Pavlovna — she's our new Vice-President in charge of spin control.'

Vote - SpinSpun.

"We think you could gain much wider support simply by re-languaging your bigotry."

'That was the most spins I ever saw anyone do!'

'Are those 'pre' or 'post' spun figures?'

'Seven spins! You lose again.'

"Whatever the results you get from an election it's important to be able to present them in the best possible light..."

Now I'd like to depart from my prepared text and speak from the heart...

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

Listen here, Johnny Spinwell, rampant political spin has made a mockery of objective truth. Why nothing could be more false, Mr. Park. Truth is unassailable. It defies and repels spin. Truth is pure, perfect, elemental. It is not subject to interpretation. It is as plain as falsehood. Truth equals falsehood. You're getting it.

Mr. Spinwell, can you teach me the art of spinning? House of Java.net Cybercafe. Heartfelt candor takes practice. Say, for instance, if I had to come clean with investors that the cafe was bleeding money. You mean that you're taking a long-term view by investing for the future? Or that you care about the customer and not just greed and profit? Tingles.

Holy Ronald Reagan. Do you see who's come into the cafe? Reagan? No, it's Johnny Spinwell. The king of spin! Who? Consultant to politicians, stars, lawyers, corporate execs. No one finds the bright side like Johnny. Pea brain, you stepped on my toe. I got your circulation going to save your heart.

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."