Report Card Spin Master Gifts

'Everybody's grades are down, Dad -- I think the school's having some kind of austerity program.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'It has been revealed that a senior politician will criticise something in a speech. Later they will criticise the opposite of something, just in case.'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"But it did take hard work to get my A, B, C and D in that order down the card."

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"I don't need your help with my homework. Actually, I was a little disappointed with your work last time."

"Will you stop 'tutting' until I've finished my report."

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"I work in PR where I provide a dynamic and highly effective bespoke service that can work for you and blah blah blah ..."

'But on the positive side, money can't buy happiness - so who cares?'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"Whatever the results you get from an election it's important to be able to present them in the best possible light..."

"Wow! That's a mean curveball."