Spies Gifts

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

Roger Moore

"Don't tell anyone, but there's talk that there's a spy in our camp!"

"Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs record anything incriminating."

"So, Mr. Bond, you have foolishly entered my diabolical hall of mirrors."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

The Spy Who Loved Me

Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.

'Oh, sure, the boss has a menacing evil laugh, but it's his evil sob that I find most arresting.'

'BOND, Fatso Bond..'

'Vital mission - movie parody'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"Shaken, not stirred."

R.I.P. Sir Sean Connery

"Check out the new James Bond and his grey hair! No time to dye."

The Anti-Agent

"Bond James, Bond."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Barks in code.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

A boy acting suspiciously

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Your imagination is running wild. That's not a tiny drone sent to spy on us. That's just a fly."

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'