Spice Wizard T-Shirts

"Hmm....how do I get the pepper into those silly little holes...?"

The Vineyard

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

Salt and Pepper

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

Witch's Brew.

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Chili again?'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"Sriracha"

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Habanero ..."

"Your Majesty, my voyage will not only forge a new route to the spices of the East but also create over three thousand new jobs."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.