Spice Wizard T-Shirts

"Hmm....how do I get the pepper into those silly little holes...?"

The Vineyard

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Salt and Pepper

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Witch's Brew.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Chili again?'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"Sriracha"

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"Habanero ..."

"Your Majesty, my voyage will not only forge a new route to the spices of the East but also create over three thousand new jobs."