Speedway Gifts

Homeless man watching race cars

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Today, a special retro segment of The Fad Herald. It's the Fad Herald. Off the hook! Hey jive turkeys, here's what's not cool: Fossil fuels, dependence on Mideast oil, long gas lines. Here's what's groovy: Solar power, alternative fuels, energy independence. Can you dig? The world is changing, baby! Instead of solar panels, I'm buying a sweet 8-track player. Next week, a look ahead to 2040. What's out: Waiting in long lines to fill up the spacecraft with gas.

Disraeli's Reform Bill Passes the Committee Stage

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

Club House. An eighty dollar green fee! -- I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already in the hole!

"Extremely Minature Golf." They're playing golf down there today. A chlorophyll molecule is collecting green fees and some H2O molecules are a water hazard. The adrenaline group seems to have gotten a burst of energy -- They're playing through the slower groups in front of them. I see the electron is good, always a negative score. And the nucleus is a solid player, every shot is hit right down the center. But nobody can match the DNA's consistency --- He's able to perfectly replicate his s

Tee for Two!

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

Golfers lost on the road

I warned you to keep it low!

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

Hit by a golf ball and injured...

It's very quick and looks great in speed camera photos.

'What a divot?'

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

Golf

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

"What's the rush? He'll still be dead when you get there."

'It's a nice course. I just wish it wasn't so close to the airport.'

This Sportsman is 'Playing Through the Green'.

You are not permitted to accept physical assistance when playing your shots...

"Mind if we play through?"

'I SAID-what's wrong with a RATTLE like the rest of us?'

"Well. First of all, your stance is a little wide."