Speedway Pillows

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Disraeli's Reform Bill Passes the Committee Stage

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

Tee for Two!

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

I warned you to keep it low!

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

Golfers lost on the road

'What a divot?'

It's very quick and looks great in speed camera photos.

Golf

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

'I SAID-what's wrong with a RATTLE like the rest of us?'

You are not permitted to accept physical assistance when playing your shots...

This Sportsman is 'Playing Through the Green'.

'It's a nice course. I just wish it wasn't so close to the airport.'

"Mind if we play through?"

"What's the rush? He'll still be dead when you get there."

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

"Well. First of all, your stance is a little wide."

Runners have a pay toll.