Speech Analyst Gifts

"I would like to reaffirm that my problem is with the imperialists...not with their dollars."

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

Vladimir Putin 101: Saying the Opposite of What You Mean

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Inclusive speech

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

What's normal?

Dialogue

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'The usual ‘nod, nod, wink, wink' will do, Walter. We don't need the eyebrow twitch and nostril flares.'

Twitter censorship

"A haand gel...!?"

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You're overthinking it. Sometimes a belly rub is just a belly rub."

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

"I meant the dog!"

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness