Conversation Analyzer Gifts

'Drainage is key...' Thankfully the bus came, so he never had to find out if the old guy was talking about gardening or a medical condition.

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

The Truth

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Vladimir Putin 101: Saying the Opposite of What You Mean

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

Interpreter for the hard-to-believe-what-they're-hearing.

The Tangents talk it over.

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

The psychiatrist.

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

NBS NEWS DIVISION, 'You've written a nice editorial on Sarah Palin here, but change 'said' to 'spewed,' and 'speech' to 'vitriol.''

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

"May I air-quote you?"

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"People don't understand that alcoholism is a hazard of my profession!"

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

"Brad, we've got to talk."

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

UK Censors Office...

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

Donald Trump is a Plagiarist Too

"Events are unfolding very slowly."