Cat Conversation Analyst Gifts

"I've just overheard Mistress talking to her lawyer: We're in her will!"

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

The psychiatrist.

'And once more with feeling.'

'Sometimes I think they understand every word we're saying.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"May I air-quote you?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

Teach your cat to read self-help manuals

"I can't explain it, I have this irresistible urge to lie on his keyboard when he's working at home..."

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

"Making a documentary about a week in the life of a cat has proved to be less challenging than I anticipated."

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

"Oh, I'm not lost. I just like your flowerbeds better."

"The vet wants me to go vegan so it's going to be catch and release for a while."

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

'So far, I've lost three pounds on the Ratkins Diet!'

"Events are unfolding very slowly."

"He's into binge fetching."

'I think Pookie wants her supper.'

"No, I mean literally literally!"

Chat Show, "Bonsoir. Comment Allez-Vous?"

"Is oversleeping a real thing?"