Cat Conversationalist Gifts

'Sometimes I think they understand every word we're saying.'

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

"So how's retirement treating ya, Louie?"

'Who asked your opinion?'

"Thanks for a nice time. I'd ask you in, but the man of the house will just put you out again for the night."

"You can't be too thin, too rich or too catty."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"In other news a new study indicates dogs are still better than cats."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."