Animal Conversationalist Gifts

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"I think my name is 'stop that' but I don't know for sure."

'There is a unique solution to this conundrum,' said the chicken, 'but in order to be sure, I'll need to cross the road.'

'Speaking for myself - I feel perfectly comfortable wearing a fur coat.'

'The First Amendment is just for people!'

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"If I don't get a good twenty-three hours, I'm a wreck."

'Do you know something? If I couldn't eat, I would just die!'

'Perhaps... If they talked ALL the time and never shut up.'

Bob's Tavern: Where the deer and the antelope stray.

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

I've been wanting to introduce you to Herbert for months. I didn't want to scare you. Don't be silly. So what if I've discovered my girlfriend has secretly raised a talking gerbil she pampers, gives back rubs to, and debates international politics with. What's so strange about that? So you're good with it. Get me Dr. Phil.

"Skin is easy—shedding long-standing opinions that have been proven wrong is much harder for Bob."

"Other end, Steve. We've already met."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"They’re real."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"