Animal Conversationist Gifts

I just worry that a mutual animosity for squirrels isn't a strong enough foundation for a long-term relationship.

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't eat so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much floatsam.'

'Is it true what they say'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"They’re real."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

Dog and man on couch

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"