Animal Talker Gifts

'Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.'

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

"People are O.K., but I prefer little pieces of string."

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"So, sniffed any interesting butts lately?"

"What do you think of the new feed?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Children's Parties

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Quick, start the car!"

Dog Dreams

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'You know too much!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"That is an outrageous slur."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"