Canine Conversationalist Gifts

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

'And then instead of feeding me he would ring a little bell...'

Great Coaching Is about Sharing Not Telling...

"I bark and I bark but I never feel like I effect real change."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"No, I've never liked chasing sticks. I though you enjoyed throwing them."

Let's talk about my dog.

"I just heard some interesting news. The world is going to the dogs."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Why don't you just say it? You think I do nothing all day."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'For the future, if you wish to contact me use e-mail.'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

"Yes, I suppose I do believe there's a big kennel in the sky."

Tough Guy

"We don't talk about the age thing."

"I finally learned how to shake hands, and now they want to elbow bump."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'Up until now I thought all your questions were rhetorical.'

'I don't know why, but I've never liked you, Jones.'

'What's his name?' 'He won't say!'

So the old man says 'you're getting fixed,' and I'm thinkin', you know, maybe he's gonna patch up the hole in my doghouse...

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"Since Rover became a therapy dog, he's gotten uppity."

"You see, your brain is small and mine is bigger, but it can't be much bigger or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

"All-rightie then....since we're on the subject, let's explore your issues of aggression."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"You're the lapdog. Tell us what they're saying."

"They talk about universal health care, but they don't really mean universal."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

The Man Who Could Talk To Dogs

"I only sniffed his ass to be polite."