Canine Conversationalist T-Shirts

"They were, sitting around the dinner table, knocking off a bottle of Côtes-du-Rhône and blathering about the Middle East – you've never heard such shallow, simplistic reasoning in your life – and one of them turns to me and says, "And what do you think, Barney? What do you think we should do?' and all I could come up with was 'Woof'. I felt like such an ass."

'And then instead of feeding me he would ring a little bell...'

Great Coaching Is about Sharing Not Telling...

"I bark and I bark but I never feel like I effect real change."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"No, I've never liked chasing sticks. I though you enjoyed throwing them."

Let's talk about my dog.

"I just heard some interesting news. The world is going to the dogs."

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

"Why don't you just say it? You think I do nothing all day."

'For the future, if you wish to contact me use e-mail.'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"All-rightie then....since we're on the subject, let's explore your issues of aggression."

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"I finally learned how to shake hands, and now they want to elbow bump."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"We don't talk about the age thing."

Tough Guy

"You see, your brain is small and mine is bigger, but it can't be much bigger or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

"Yes, I suppose I do believe there's a big kennel in the sky."

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'I don't know why, but I've never liked you, Jones.'

So the old man says 'you're getting fixed,' and I'm thinkin', you know, maybe he's gonna patch up the hole in my doghouse...

"Since Rover became a therapy dog, he's gotten uppity."

'What's his name?' 'He won't say!'

'Up until now I thought all your questions were rhetorical.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

The Man Who Could Talk To Dogs

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Why, yes, I used to think about digging out all the time."