Animal Conversationalists Gifts

'Oh, I'm not looking for Gold, I'm checking for bear-traps...'

'I pose as a concerned citizen, but actually I couldn't miss the golden marmoset if it did become extinct.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"They’re real."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

Primate Speech Institute. He's learned to talk, but all he'll talk about is the price of bananas.

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

Dog and man on couch

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."