Animal Conversationalists Pillows

'Oh, I'm not looking for Gold, I'm checking for bear-traps...'

'I pose as a concerned citizen, but actually I couldn't miss the golden marmoset if it did become extinct.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"They’re real."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Dog and man on couch

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."