Speech Analyzer Gifts

Interpreter for the hard-to-believe-what-they're-hearing.

Vote. It's his signature speech, but it always sound like a forgery!

Nancy Ruth is speaking today....

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

Vladimir Putin 101: Saying the Opposite of What You Mean

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

NBS NEWS DIVISION, 'You've written a nice editorial on Sarah Palin here, but change 'said' to 'spewed,' and 'speech' to 'vitriol.''

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

Playing dead is easy, but when they ask me to speak, I have to imagine them in their underwear.

'Now he'll learn to spealie Bill Gates.'

"I can't believe the things I've heard coming out of his mouth since he started listening to Eminem."

Shoot Your Mouth Off.

'Maybe we should try it without the smile.'

UK Censors Office...

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

"I'm hitting a wall."

"I would like to reaffirm that my problem is with the imperialists...not with their dollars."

Donald Trump is a Plagiarist Too

"Please stay on the line while we try to locate someone in tech support whose accent you'll understand."

"Remember, there's no 'I' in team." "But what about the 'm' and 'e'?"

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"You can have this speech recognition software back. I said 'turn off' and my wife slapped me."

"I finally figured out who you copy."

The Politician's Tongue.

"I found a misused apostrophe in one of your entrees."

'I don't get it.'

"Look, Howard, this phone has speech recognition just like you do, but it's much more intuitive!"

"Great 'Ah Ha' moments in History

Good drivers can interpret every sound their vehicle makes.