Spectacle Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Yes, the glasses work well, but now that I can clearly see what we're fed, I've lost my appetite..."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Baroque Peacock

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Hugh fans!"

Piano Recital

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Creation of Red Wine

Prosecco Peacock

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

Un ballo in maschera

Prosecco

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

The Kali De Milo.

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Fabulous civil union cake.

'Kafka! Kandinsky! Kokoschka!'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

"Yipeee!"