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"L'adoration des comiques."

'But if you were going to watch the idiot box, wouldn't you rather watch it in HD?'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

"His publicist said he died peacefully. And now, a word from our sponsor, a publicist looking for a new client."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Louis Armstrong

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'He likes to power nap.'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The Snarky District

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

Reese Witherspoon

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'