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"L'adoration des comiques."

'But if you were going to watch the idiot box, wouldn't you rather watch it in HD?'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

"His publicist said he died peacefully. And now, a word from our sponsor, a publicist looking for a new client."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'He likes to power nap.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

Bangers and Mash

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'