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THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

Modern Accomplisments

Phyllis Logan & Jim Carter

Exercise Equipment, my foot! I know a recliner when I see one!

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Do you know what the interest on you adjustable-rate mortgage is?

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

Fly on the wall.

'And now the late film, which contains foul language...'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

TV jester.

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

TV-Man

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"I find that hugely offensive!"

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Big screen TV.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'