Special Agent Gifts

"Hello. We're from the Government, and we mean you no harm."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Office of Homeland Security: Beware of Dog

CIA, 'Nothing much going on right now -- want to dig up some dirt on the FBI?'

CIA, 'Sorry, Ferguson, but you're out - I gave your job to Inspector Twelve.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

CIA, 'Blast it! -- We shouldn't NEED a lost & found department!'

CIA, 'Nothing much going on right now -- want to dig up some dirt on the FBI?'

'This is Ferguson, one of our few unspecial agents.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

'I see you worked in government research - what kind?'

The Federal Witless Protection Program in action.

Pre historic undercover agents - "Hey, look here... This guy's been wired-up all along!"

The Anti-Agent

"Bond James, Bond."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

"I started my career as an industrial spy-here."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Ok, I found a secure line."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Licensed to grill.

JAMES BONDING

'Vital mission - movie parody'

Meet Santa's entourage

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."