Speaker Critic Pillows

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Well, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Reading my Critics

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

How's my sermon. . .

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"