Public Speaking Critic Pillows

"That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now evade your questions."

"Typical government spokesman....talks for hours without actually saying anything!"

"I can assure you . . .at NO TIME during MY presidency, did any ORATORY take place!"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"It's time to get politics out of money."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."

'Nervous about this morning's presentation?'

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

"Wow! You got a promotion? That's so inspirational! What's your secret, Baldo?"