Public Speaking Fan Pillows

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now skillfully evade questions from the audience.'

"I think you should all consider yourself very fortunate to be here considering how few seats there are for this event."

'All I'm saying is that each of you needs to find that 'inner cheese''

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

SELF-FULFILLMENT SEMINAR: 'Stop letting people walk on you'

Politician with a stop button on thier head

A big dog at lectern.

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

Motivational Speaker/Motivated Listener.

"Somehow - it's not what I expected."

A presenter conversing with a deaf man, who is his only remaining listener

Parody of Thomas Nast's Penury and Resultant Lecture Tour

You don't need to use air quotes for your own words, Mr. Lincoln.

"Wellll - everyone seems to be in a good mood."

"Our scheduled speaker isn't available to make it here today, but luckily we have a surprise speaker..."

"It's time to get politics out of money."

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."