Public Speaking Fan Gifts

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now skillfully evade questions from the audience.'

"I think you should all consider yourself very fortunate to be here considering how few seats there are for this event."

'All I'm saying is that each of you needs to find that 'inner cheese''

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

SELF-FULFILLMENT SEMINAR: 'Stop letting people walk on you'

Politician with a stop button on thier head

A big dog at lectern.

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

Motivational Speaker/Motivated Listener.

A presenter conversing with a deaf man, who is his only remaining listener

Parody of Thomas Nast's Penury and Resultant Lecture Tour

"Wellll - everyone seems to be in a good mood."

"Our scheduled speaker isn't available to make it here today, but luckily we have a surprise speaker..."

"It's time to get politics out of money."

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."