Public Speaking Enthusiast Gifts

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Man giving a talk but only a dog is listening.

'Dang, I forgot my notes!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

'In closing, I'd just like to say thanks. You've been an awesome audience.'

'When Ridgeway tells a speaker '3 minutes,' he means 3 minutes!'

'Welcome. We will start shortly. Please be patient. Our guest speaker has accidentally locked himself in the men's room.'

"To set the proper mood, you will now hear Winston Churchill's immortal 'blood, toil, tears and sweat' speech."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'This is Jim's second speech on motorcycle safety. If you haven't already guessed, I missed his first speech.'

Speakers Corner: 'An ability to listen is fundamental to a more democratic society...'

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

'Could you speak a little louder?'

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

"The projector is broken, sir. Here is a transcript of your presentation. Where do you plug it in?"

Spitting during the speech

'Will that be all, or would you like to add a few more ums, ers and ahs?'

"I could swear I had something to say."

"If you get nervous up here, just picture everyone in the audience wearing clothes!"

"I have a brief statement, a clarification, and two denials."

A politician speaks.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Well written speech, guys...earnest, yet glib.'

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

"My lecture is about our short attention spans and what a lovely day it is I should be walking but tomorrow maybe I’ll cut the grass..."

"I enjoyed your speech. Although I was sorry to miss my children growing up."

Everyone's a Media Expert

"Wow! You got a promotion? That's so inspirational! What's your secret, Baldo?"

"That was an amazing speech you gave." "Thanks." "I mean it’s not everyday someone gets a sitting ovation." "JR Hotel Group Welcomes Hemorrhoid Sufferers of America"

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

'And I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say... LINE!'