Public Speaking Critic Gifts

"That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now evade your questions."

Man with speech bubble coming from his bottom

"Typical government spokesman....talks for hours without actually saying anything!"

"I can assure you . . .at NO TIME during MY presidency, did any ORATORY take place!"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"It's time to get politics out of money."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

Mark Anthony on Zoom.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'

"Can you skip to the part that doesn't suck?"

How long have you let this unhealthy obsession with family and friends interfere with your celebrity-watching?

A big dog at lectern.