Sparrow Enthusiast Gifts

Fancy portrait of the gentleman who killed the greatest number of small birds. [To be hung up in all sparrow clubs]

Paul the house sparrow, yet another of life's creatures undone by the David Attenborough cameras.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Soup of the month.

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

'Yes, I do a lot of rowing. How could you tell?'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Come on Darling: Surely, you don't need a sledgehammer to crack a nut...

Football Crazy strip six

Wrong leadership.

Life's a Bench.

'Of course I'm squirreling away money!'

"I meant the dog!"

"All your throw pillows were in knots."

Bug Spray/Sun Screen

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

A caterpillar is rowing itself along

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."