Spandex Lover Gifts

Listen, I know you're into fitness, but you have to eat more than just Spandex.

On the back of the t-shirt...

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

"Would you like to try them out?"

"They can steal my bike, but they can't take my dignity."

Dramedy: "I'm leaving you."

"Never mind your technology, in my day we had to deliver our jokes by hand!"

Apocalliptical

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

Moebot

"Aren't you glad we stayed in? I had time to order us some more sweatpants."

Hanley Fabric Co., Polly-Esther

'Your Dad'll give your bike back when he realises he won't qualify for 2012.'

'That's not funny, Fred.'

'Gone out, Your dinners in your face'

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

'Custard pie or not. It's still considered assault!'

'We'll return to the evening news right after this message from the Three Stooges....'

Magician makes a smell

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

Wearing all black

Fancy Dress Box

"Trust me, boss, he knows his pies...he just needs more retraining."

Memories of Souvenirs and Memorabilia.

Laurel and Hardy

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

A clown is being executed by having cream pies thrown at him.

'I couldn't figure out how to get rid of those stupid subtitles, so I slapped some duct tape over them.'

"And if anything goes wrong I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

The Banana Crime

"Is that a piano?"