Spa Day Fan Gifts

'Botox you fool! not buttocks!'

Sensitive Range: "Ooooh, you've hurt my feelings now...!"

Tanning salons to avoid. . .

God's Manicure.

"Tommy!"

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

Loofah Lady

DIY marriage counseling.

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Take a break, Archimedes. A nice soak in the bath will work wonders.

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

Trawling for Fish.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'