Southern Storyteller Gifts

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

Country Music Awards

Redheaded Step-Twins.

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

William Faulkner

Truman Capote

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"By God, Man! Yes!! This is the stuff we're looking for!"

"Hey! I've got audio but no visual!"

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Punch&Judy/Counselling

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'Gee, Grandpa, you sure have a way with animals.'

A Salmon Lie

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

Fisherman's catch getting it's revenge

'Your barn door's open.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

Shakespeare at the beach ...

John Updike.

"What? You've never been to Waffle House? I guess it is kind of a regional thing."

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

A Redneck Cupid with a shotgun about to fire open a Boy and Girl redneck couple.

'If you hold this shell to your ear you can hear the ARRRGH!'

"Land salmon. . ."

Hadleyville Has-Beens

"Daddy, the wave ate my sand castle!"