Songstress Gifts

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Lennon and McCartney.

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Omara Portuondo

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Anna Calvi

A Fairytale Update

EWE 2.

George Michael

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

Red Letter Days - A declaration of love in public

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

"That is an outrageous slur."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson.

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Non-Denominational Carols

Mendelssohn Finds His Inspiration

Freddie Mercury

Cat Hecklers