Solo Socialite Gifts

"A works outing is pretty dull when you're self-employed."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

Children's Party

"Another flue shot, Larry.

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"Brian's considering the optics."

A day at the races

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

Dog Teenagers

"Loved our evening, Lou. Thanks for being rich."

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Your party just totally blew us away."

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'I like the way you don't say I've had enough.'

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

"Personally, I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables..."

Sorry, formal only.

Large Whist Party in Small Room