Sober Socialite Gifts

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Teetotaller outside public house

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Children's Party

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

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"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"Brian's considering the optics."

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

A day at the races

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Your party just totally blew us away."

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."