Solo Scribe Gifts

"I'm writing a novel, but it's hard to find alone time."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

Waiting Room For Godot.

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

"Hi...Marvin Ramage - composer/ arranger/ musician author and rich."

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

Modern publishing.

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Tall tales, short stories

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

Writers strike.

Pencil Rubber

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"He calls it the eBible."

'It's not his name - It's what he does all the time.'

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

"Philosopical argument needs an elephant in the room. Can you handle it, sweetie?"

Which useless activity are you doing on your electronic pacifier right now? My what? Your electronic pacifier. Your soother. Your binky. My iPhone is not a "binky". It's an indispensable tool, essential to keeping the busy, modern life running like a well-oiled machine. You can't stand to experience a single moment devoid of activity. Solitude makes you agitated, lonely, bored or insecure. Anytime you feel bad, you reach for your phone. It's your binky. My Twitter followers agree with me that yo

Plato's Republic as it was written and as it would have been written if Plato's academy had invested in a good word processor,

Dear diary, I have to make this quick. I think my blog is onto us.

"Steve, trust me, this has nothing to do with you being self-published."