Solitary Gourmet T-Shirts

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

French wine

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."