Solitary Gourmet T-Shirts

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

French wine

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'