Lyrical Gourmet T-Shirts

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

The Origins of Everything

Quartet of chefs.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Stand back - while I whip something up

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

Chicago School of Home Economics

"All I've got left is smoked."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'Now watch and listen!'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Hudson River Crouton

'WIll that be with or without methane, sir?'

"Well, we went through the fruit and veg, and thought we should try something more exotic - like the space-time continuum."

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

'How come you never bring meatballs?'

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

Guru on a mountain top with a take away menu

Christmas canape?

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

'WHAT??! 3.695.897 euro for the pizza delivery service??!'