Laughing Gourmet T-Shirts

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"I like my steak well done."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Stand back - while I whip something up

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

The mushroom pickers

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"It was a lovely holiday. The chips crispy and delicious, the ice cream cornets were to die for, the only downside being, the hostility of the humans, who were reluctant to share their sustenance."

"Some volcano roll!"

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

'Nice Touch!'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

Holy Pizza

Christmas canape?

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."