Software Warrior Gifts

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

Internet Cafe.

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

Censorship.

'Thank you - but I prefer to stand.'

You're fortunate you have a cubicle. Due to cutbacks, my boss makes us wear horse blinders.

"I miss the old cubicles."

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

'It is now safe to kick and swear at your computer'

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

HOMEWORK: It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it!!!

'Due to a programming error you have been erased.'

Cyberwarfare

Final Exams Tip

"He's just discovered that out 450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in Swindon using his mums computer."

'I typed it that way because I thought that punctuation would just slow it down.'

"Don't invade his space."