Computer Warrior Gifts

Wringing the Monitor

"It's a new program that deploys an airbag whenever your computer crashes."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

'Bring me another coffee would you...'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

Computer operator welding machine.

Computer Life

'Sorry, Kevin. You have given an incorrect command.'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

Kevin had a computer virus.

Censorship.

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

New technologies.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

'Due to a programming error you have been erased.'

Spam.

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

"I have a protein drink every day for lunch, because I never have to chew."

"I meant to let Mr. Goldman know I’d be happy to work on Saturday, but I accidentally typed, ‘I hope your house is infested by termites.’"

Cyberwarfare