Software Shy Gifts

I.T. Fear

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Computer Bore

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"Just one more site!" "I'm totally, like, in control!" "I can quit anytime I feel like it..."

Driverless cars rage.

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

Hardware and software

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

Early Programmers.

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Cloud Computing.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

"Do you want to save changes?"

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"That didn't work either! I'm telling you, this is one AGGRESSIVE virus!"