Software Sampler Gifts

"Install that, then uninstall that. Open that, then close that. Update that, then delete that. Run that program, then end that program..."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

NEW FALL LINEUP

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

Holistic Alcohol Consumption

Eric Clapton.

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

"Gimme a large cone with a sample of everything."

Midlife Madness

"It's the right drink in the right place at the right time."

"You've passed me three times already. This is your last chance, buster, or I'm sending you straight to bed without your free samples."

It was cute when my digital assistant played "Bye Bye Birdie" after I asked for help with a pesky bird. But it was just snarky playing the theme from "Mission: Impossible" when I asked for guidance on reducing my debt.

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

"I can sell you the caulk, but there's a waiting period for the gun."