Audio Sampler Gifts

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Sinking Sand

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

Snake with headphones.

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

NEW FALL LINEUP

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

"The drummer's got to go - he's too loopy."

"I wore a wire last night to prove you really snore!"

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

Holistic Alcohol Consumption

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

Working from home.

"Have you ever thought about putting out, instead of pretzels, maybe peanuts?"

American 'Idle'.

Two tourists inspecting a French sign