Medication Sampler Gifts

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Sinking Sand

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

Side Effects

'Anyone else seeing a pattern here?'

NEW FALL LINEUP

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

Dear Medication, how are you? I'm feeling much better thanks to you?/ Finally she began responding to treatment.

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'Smoked salmon and cream cheese. What's in yours?'

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

When Mrs Murray said you should vary your diet I don't think she meant to just try all 16 flavours of POT NOODLES.

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

Holistic Alcohol Consumption

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'